So Peaches Geldof has named her baby Astala. Now, I have never heard this name before (mostly because it is just a few vowels and consonants spontaneously shoved together) but my instinct would be to say it is a girl’s name. I would be wrong. At least if Astala was a girl, she could be beautiful, mysterious and delightfully kooky. Astala the boy will just be ridiculed. 

Maybe I’m being too cynical. He probably won’t be Astala all the time, he’ll be nicknamed… Ass? Maybe not. He’ll just have to use his middle name…Willow…hmm, still not particularly manly. At least Peaches had the foresight to give him Dylan as another middle name (because, obviously one middle name is simply not enough).

I have never quite understood the celebrity trend for emotionally traumatising one’s child from the moment they enter this world by giving them random words for names. At least Astala pretends to be a name; Frank Zappa adhered to no such rules when he named his children Moon Unit, Dweezil, and Diva Thin Muffin. The fact that they have not yet set up a glamorous weight-loss programme in space is simply a wasted opportunity.